


Dry Drowning

by AlvaDomer, terminally_fated



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse of Authority, Alternate Universe - 1960s, Alternate Universe - High School, Bisexual!Eren, Childhood Friends, Disabled veteran!Levi, Dysfunctional Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Grooming, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Manipulation, Pedophilia, Racial slurs, Really really slow burn, Slow Burn, Swimming, Teacher-Student Relationship, Track and Field, Veteran Erwin, asexual!Armin, one-sided Jean/Armin - Freeform, past eruri, possessive!eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-28
Updated: 2015-06-28
Packaged: 2018-04-06 14:16:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4224891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlvaDomer/pseuds/AlvaDomer, https://archiveofourown.org/users/terminally_fated/pseuds/terminally_fated
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's 1964 when Armin begins high school. It's also when what started as admiration and a desperate need for approval by his coach slowly blossomed into a friendship. But when that relationship starts becoming more, Armin begins struggling with keeping it a secret, while his best friend Eren tries to find out the truth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dry Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> So Kumikoko actually helped me a lot with this story at the start, but the original plot has changed SO much since the beginning that it's honestly not much of the same story we began with. My editor was also my partner in crime for this fic, helping me make decisions and research.
> 
> I just. I love history so much. So I gave in to my whims and made it a 60s fic (obviously) in San Francisco. This is probably the story I've ever put the most effort into, especially when it comes to learning about the period, so I hope you enjoy this! The perspective will change between Armin, Eren, and occasionally Mikasa.
> 
> Warning for creepy grooming in just about every chapter.
> 
> Let's rage.

_What am I doing here?_ Armin couldn't help but wonder, peering over the pool's edge. 

His reflection stared back at him from the still surface; thick eyebrows knitted, pale pink lips sealed almost painfully tight, dull blue eyes shimmering with anxiety. He watched himself fumble with the loose threads of his towel. _I look even worse than I thought_ , he realized hopelessly. 

Swallowing nervously, Armin glanced up at those surrounding him. Familiar names and not quite as familiar faces. Connie had apparently decided to shave his head, and knowing him it was probably the result of a dare. His jaw was sharper and he had obviously forgone sunscreen over the past few months. 

Armin felt his fingers travel to his own face self consciously. His mandible remained as round as a child's, with even Mikasa's jaw being sharper than his own. It was pathetic! And his skin? All it ever did was burn. Why did he ever think this was a good idea? Spending five hours in the sun every day? He was asking for nothing but pain. _I'm so stupid._ Armin's mind repeated like a mantra. 

Marco's voice had grown at least ten times deeper and had gained several inches in height. Armin could hear him talking about his dad teaching him how to shave and shifted uncomfortably. _I wonder what that's like_. Whether the thought was directed at shaving or having a father, Armin wasn't sure. 

But he did know he lacked both experiences; and he knew how his own voice still sounded horrifically feminine, able to hit pitches that made him ashamed. No hope remained in height either, having grown maybe an inch since eighth grade had ended. 

There were a few others that made Armin cling to his stomach as if it held himself together; Nac and Mylius, Samuel and Franz. But out of all of them, Jean had by far changed the most. He had grown into the remaining baby fat of his cheeks, leaving a much longer face in its stead. _Eren won't hesitate to mock him for that_. The sudden thought almost brought a smile to Armin's face. But there was still so much that made him realize just how inferior he was to everyone else. A piercing sparkled from Jean's right ear, and aviators rested on his nose. Yet what made Jean look the most mature was the chest hair beginning to sprout. 

Armin's eyes dove back toward his reflection, but there was no solace in a body he hated. His scrawny, awkward frame, void of any body hair that could be considered "manly" only made him second guess everything. 

_I shouldn't even be here_ , his mind continued on its tirade, _I'm just going to be cut from the team before practice even starts. I should've stayed home_ /. What /had/ made him think he could do this?! Armin didn't have the build, didn't have the strength or stamina. Just a love of water since he was young.

If only he could--an arm was suddenly around his shoulders, a voice practically screaming in his ear, "Whoa don't slip!" And then he was flying face first into the pool. 

Armin's heart skipped a beat as freezing water bit into his skin. He floated for a moment, stunned still, until the chill shocked him into action.

Gasping frantically, he shot to the surface. How long had he been under?! _Only a few seconds_ , logic assured him as his mind screamed it had been hours. Heart still racing, Armin's eyes shot up as he heard a grating, obnoxious laugh. 

Jean's shadow enveloped Armin as he stood above him, hands on his hips. "Sorry Armin, by the way you were staring it looked like you _really_ wanted to get in!"

As malicious laughter continued swirling around him, Armin began to scramble out of the water. _Oh no, oh no oh no oh no_. He wasn't going to let himself cry on the first day, not in front of the entire team. But having arrived late, he had only been told they weren't allowed in until Coach came back. What would happen if--when--Coach found out he had broken the rules? Would he believe that Armin was only pushed in? Of course not, it was never that easy! _I knew it, I'm cut, I'm going to be cut before I even try out_. Armin's hands balled into fists. 

He glanced around for his towel, only to find it at Jean's feet, soaked from the wave he had kicked up from falling in. 

_Don't give him the reaction he wants_ , Armin counseled himself desperately. But even the voice in his head was trembling, struggling to remain calm as sixteen eyes burned into him. _Relax. Breathe, Armin, breathe_. He knew so much as a scowl or a splash could plant a target on his back for the rest of the year. 

So Armin scooped up his towel without a sound, never allowing his lip to so much as quiver. By some miracle he was keeping the flush from his face, but the flames of shame still burned. 

"What's the matter, Arlert? Got nothing to say?" Jean sneered. Armin kept his gaze trained firmly to the floor, but that awful, cocky smirk was still obvious in his voice. 

"Alright soldiers, line up!" The first thing Armin heard of his coach was a deep baritone voice; dominating, commanding, powerful. 

The boys were scrambling to obey without question. Side by side, Armin hunched his shoulders, trying to shrink smaller until he was completely out of sight. A puddle was already forming beneath him, and if the authoritative voice was anything to go by, he was about to be in some serious trouble. 

That was when their coach strolled through the gate to the pools, oozing confidence in each long stride. Armin found himself glancing back and forth between the man and the ground. He was aesthetically pleasing to the eye, there was no doubt about that; perfectly parted blonde hair with no strand out of place, high cheekbones and a sharp jaw, and deep, calculating blue eyes. Even in a t-shirt and swim trunks, the coach seemed highly disciplined and would expect the same from his team. 

"My name is Erwin Smith," he greeted without much emotion. "I'll be your coach this year, and I won't be going easy on you." 

Armin's mouth ran dry. Now he was sure more than ever he shouldn't have even bothered coming here. 

Coach Smith began pacing down the line, checking the list of those who had signed up in his hand. "Jean?" 

Armin caught it instantly. Didn't coaches usually use last names? It was only a slight difference, hardly noticeable, but it still caught him off guard. 

"Here!" Jean replied, and Coach Smith gave him a nod.

"Connie?"

"Right here!" 

"Ar..." Coach's voice trailed off as Armin was enveloped in his shadow. _Here it comes_ , he thought, squeezing his eyes shut fearfully. He willed himself to shrink even further, blushing as his hair dripped. 

"That's me," Armin mumbled, an embarrassed flushing even brighter. This was a great first impression. 

"I gave explicit instructions to wait until you had supervision before getting in the pool," Erwin stated firmly. "Why did you get in the water?"

The question was much quieter, almost forgiving, and Armin forced himself to look up. The coach's eyes had softened, obviously aware of how uncomfortable he was. 

"I slipped," Armin lied flawlessly, but a slight frown settled on Coach Smith's face. 

"Accidents can't be helped," the coach replied, breaking into a shockingly warm smile. 

The tension in the air evaporated instantly. 

"As for practice, it will be difficult but, let's have some fun." _He's not so bad_ , Armin thought, unfolding his arms from across his stomach. "Let's start with the basics. Everyone hop in; I want to see what you can do before we start learning the proper techniques."

With loud splashes, everyone took a lane. _I can kind of do freestyle_ , Armin decided, quickly losing himself to the water rushing past his skin. It was always soothing, a distraction from a mind that never stopped racing. 

With a quick somersault, he launched off the opposite wall and began his second lap. But when he came up for air, Coach was already calling everyone to where he stood waist-deep. 

"Alright everyone," he called, "I see several of you who are in need of a little demonstration."

_I'm sorry,_ Armin immediately wanted to blurt, looking at the poor floor shamelessly. No matter how relaxed the water made him, he always had to be snapped back to reality. 

"Armin, would you please do a lap for us?"

_Wait,_ what _?_ He simply floated there, stunned for a moment. Why would Coach Smith want to use _him_ for a demonstration? His breathing was already growing harsh, a steady throb settling into his weak muscles. It was pathetic. _He_ was pathetic!

"O-okay," he forced himself to murmur, gut twisting under the number of eyes watching him with disinterest. 

Returning to freestyle, Armin just did what he always had, streaking across the pool, pivoting off the wall, and returning to the group as directed. There was nothing special about it, he had no idea why his coach would want him to show everyone. 

Unless it was to show what _not_ to do. 

Armin was suddenly flooded by the overwhelming need to puke. He couldn't handle this much embarrassment on the first day. School hadn't even started yet and he was already the favorite target. 

Erwin beckoned Armin over, and with feet of lead, he obeyed. _Please, please go easy on me,_ Armin prayed, flinching slightly as Coach Smith took hold of his shoulders. 

Coach spun him around so that he was facing the rest of the team, moving his grip to Armin's wrist. Fully extending his arm, Coach Smith began, "Did you all see how Armin used his full reach? That's what you should all be doing," he explained, and Armin felt his jaw drop. 

_He wants everyone to do...what_ I _was doing?_ There had to be some sort of mistake! He couldn't do anything right, this had to be a cruel joke. 

Armin suddenly cringed as he felt Coach Smith press against his back. He still hadn't let go of his wrist either, despite finishing his instructions. 

He held his tongue, but Armin noticed how none of the boys seemed to find the prolonged contact strange. _I'm being paranoid_ , he dismissed himself, chewing his inner cheek. There would probably be plenty of contact over the season if this could be taken as evidence. 

Probably just something he would have to get used to. 

...

_I'm going to die_. Even his thoughts sounded out of breath. Armin nearly had to flop out of the pool onto the concrete, entire body aching. He could hardly feel his legs and he couldn't remember the last time his chest had burned like this. 

"Great job today, boys!" Erwin called, and suddenly the burn wasn't so bad. It wasn't too hard to believe that praise extended to him too, and it made him...kind of happy. Excited, even. 

Coach Smith was everything Armin wasn't, and yet here he was, already proud of them even in the beginning. And maybe, Armin dared to hope, proud of him too. Two hours of agony was starting to seem worth it. 

As everyone started home, Armin felt a large hand on his back. "Good work today, Armin! I have a feeling we're going to be a great team as long as we have you on our side." Coach Smith was so sincere that Armin nearly wanted to scream for joy. 

This wasn't something he could remember feeling in a long time. He was already starting to feel a budding trust with this man, and he found himself thinking that the next torture session couldn't come fast enough. 

"I'm looking forward to tomorrow," Armin admitted shyly, and Coach Smith's smile widened. 

"So am I, Armin. So am I."

...

Armin sat on the front steps of Saint Maria's Preparatory right where Eren said to wait; heaving a breath as his head dropped into his hands. The sun was starting to set and Eren still wasn't done? It was their first day! 

His ears twitched as he heard the door open and shut behind him, and he watched a pair of slacks step up beside him. "Where is your mother?"

Armin had known him for a day and that deep voice was already recognizable. Even though it was his own coach, he still had to bite back a sarcastic, _You want to know? So do I!_ instead his mind was racing to tell as little as possible. Because, _surprise_ , he thought sourly, family was a subject he didn't even want to begin to broach with Coach Smith. 

"I can give you a dime for the booth at the corner if you want to call her," he offered, but that just made Armin's bitterness sink further into his heart. 

"My grandpa is in the hospital so I just walk home," Armin explained brusquely with some guilt and some satisfaction. He had never used that tone with a teacher, but he definitely wasn't ready to explain his missing parents. It was easier to just directly imply they weren't around anymore. 

"Oh," Coach Smith murmured, voice thick with sickening sympathy. This was why he didn't tell people more often. "I can drive you home if you like," he added after a moment. 

Armin bit his lower lip. Hitching a ride did sound nice. But he _had_ promised Eren he'd walk home with him, and he'd never hear the end of it if he just ditched him. 

"Thank you Coach Smith, but I promised a friend I would wait for him," Armin said, rising to his feet. 

"That's fine, but you're welcome anytime you'd like a ride," Coach promised, and started off down the street. 

Now it was just a waiting game for Eren. _I hope it went as well for him_ , Armin thought rather dreamily, smiling without realizing it. He couldn't wait to tell Eren about it!

"Guess who's finally free!" a voice crowed. 

"Finally!" Armin teased, ignoring the light punch to his shoulder. "So how was hurdling? Still glad you didn't join the swim team with me?"

"Oh it was just groovy," Eren replied sarcastically, face completely unamused. 

"I have a feeling you're lying," Armin laughed, following his friend down the stairs. 

"No shit!" Eren snapped, throwing his hands up in frustration. "You should've seen our coach though, Ar, it was dumb as hell."

"What do you mean?" Armin asked curiously as they made their way out of the mission district. 

"He had a fucking cane! Our own coach can't even run! How do they expect someone like that to teach _us_ how to hurdle?" he snorted incredulously. 

Armin frowned. "You shouldn't talk about people like that," he scolded, but Eren just rolled his eyes. 

"Why? He sure talked shit about us the whole time."

Armin raised his eyebrows. "I can see why," he snickered, glancing at Eren's knees. Both of them had been scraped open, still bleeding slightly. 

"What? Oh yeah, I hit the hurdles a couple times," Eren stated plainly as if it didn't matter. _Does it even hurt? Can he feel the pain?_ Armin wondered, although considering all the years he had known him, Eren probably couldn't. 

Armin shook his head. "Should've joined swimming," he said with false disappointment. "It was actually really fun." As they crossed the street, he added, "I think I'm going to really enjoy this year."

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure this is what everyone was looking forward to; a slow-ass fic instead of updates on literally anything else I've been working on. Sorry everyone :(


End file.
